It was her first time to see him on his last day in our town. The day he came to our town, he caught almost everybody’s attention, except my elder sister, Rita.
He was invited by his grandmother five days before the town fiesta. He came the day before the fiesta. And yesterday was just the fiesta. It was fun; the people really enjoyed all the activities: games, music, dancing, and talking. But me, I was with her. We were stuck in front of the kitchen sink, washing all the dishes that were used in the party.
When I went along with aling Sitang to buy some ingredients in the market, I heard a lot of things about him. His name was Miguel, he was a doctor in the city, and he’s a bachelor, no string attached, and as his grandmother, aling Sitang wishes he would find a girl soon. Being his grandmother she was very proud of him. I can feel it whenever she tells some things about him to her friends, and it’s almost like she’s bragging.
This day, after the fiesta, I went along with Rita to aling Sitang’s house to get the payment for the service we have rendered to her yesterday. As we entered the rusty gate I saw a van on the wide lawn in front of the house, and its engine was on, it seemed to me that someone is leaving, the doctor. I looked up at the terrace. I saw aling Sitang heading down the stairs, behind her was Miguel. He was a tall man, his color was caramel, and he has this handsome face: with his dark chinky eyes, thin pink lips, and a straight angular nose.
They hurriedly went straight to the van while aling Sitang was muttering something, behind her Miguel was just smiling, and I noticed that he has a set of perfect white teeth. I turned and looked up at Rita. I was so curious about what will be her reaction. And I found her looking at Miguel; she flushed and quickly dropped her head. When my gaze returned to Miguel I saw him already seated inside the van. He was clutching the handle of the van’s sliding door that it looks like he’s going to close it, but he was sitting still, stunned, his eyes were fixed on Rita. Maybe he’s thinking that why haven’t he seen her during his stay in our town, why now that he is leaving in a minute.
Aling Sitang turned around to know who he was looking at, and she saw us. She was surprised by our presence. She immediately told Miguel that he better hurry, and that she’s expecting him to come back the next fiesta, he said yes. He gazed at Rita once more and smiled at her before he left.
Later, I and Rita walked home; I asked her what have she felt when Miguel smiled at her. And she said that she has felt blood rushes to her face, and she felt something inside her stomach, it was like there were butterflies, it was a tickling sensation. She laughed at herself for that. She also told me that she think she’s falling in love with Miguel. When she thinks about his face, his smile, her heart beats erratically. It was madness.
Dozens of moons, stars, and suns have passed by. The green rice field before had long gone gold. The town fiesta is fast approaching, and Rita was so impatient, she can’t wait to see him again. Just two weeks to go and she will finally see him.
The fiesta came, and once again aling Sitang hired us both to help her at her house. That morning when we arrived at the house I saw Miguel sitting on the sofa, so he was here already. I caught Rita and Miguel exchanged glances. Miguel smiled at her. But Rita, I almost laughed at her reaction, she was like a little girl that was being introduced to guests in a party, and she was so shy. She hurriedly walked straight to the kitchen and I followed her. Glancing back at Miguel, I caught him chuckling and he winks an eye on me.
The whole morning Rita and I were so busy preparing foods, and washing pots and dishes, together with the other helpers. We’re all happily working in the kitchen, talking and laughing, until noon, when everything was ready. Aling Sitang invited all of us to eat together with the guests.
At the table, everybody helped themselves in getting foods. Miguel intentionally stands beside Rita. And he always did that sidelong glance at her. She just ignored him and kept her head down. Miguel also sat beside her at the corner. I saw them both exchange glances. Miguel tried to make a conversation with her, but she was so shy, and it’s almost she’ll faint whenever he asks her something. All she can manage was to nod.
Later that afternoon, after all the work was done, I was at the backyard, when I heard Rita cried for help. I hurriedly ran back to the kitchen. On the floor, I saw Miguel lying, he was so drunk, and he was mumbling something I can’t understand. Rita was standing near the table, shocked by what had happened, was afraid to come near him. So with all my strength I picked him up and help him get to his room, while Rita called aling Sitang.
Later that evening I saw Rita, holding her diary, walked pass my bedroom’s door into the azotea. There she always wrote her diary. One hour later, after reading my new comic book, I went there. I stopped at the large sliding door. I saw Rita’s diary on the top of the small wooden center table. She was sitting on the antique rocking chair, looking at the distance outside while the night breeze was gently blowing her soft and black hair. The insects play a familiar song outside, familiar in the sense that they played it every night. The moon shone above. Hundreds of stars were at sight. It was a peaceful night indeed.
I greeted her while I sit on the sofa across her. She was surprised. I giggled and I asked her what keeps her wondering at that time of the night, knowing that it was late. Obviously, she said it was him that made her think. It was the doctor and her feelings toward him, and also the fear of showing her love to him. We talked until midnight. And when I saw her yawned I told her that she better go to sleep. She must be really sleepy that she forgot to get her diary on the table when she left. Out of curiosity I flipped through its pages, until I found out what she was writing lately.
It happened this afternoon when I was putting the last plate on the rack. He entered the kitchen. He was drunk. He came up to me, and God knows how I felt when he held my hand, and he gently touched my face. His huge and soft hand brings a tingling sensation on my cheeks when he caressed it. My world spun swiftly when he said that he loves me, and the last thing I knew his lips were on mine. I was taken aback, surprised by what he did, and he was surprised too, to my reaction maybe. He said I should not worry and that he won’t hurt me because he loves me. He said these words so gentle and sweet that it almost melts my heart. He pulled me back, and again he kissed me. He kissed me deeply. Even his breath smells alcohol and cigar’s smoke his kiss was still sweet. And I felt a strange sensation when his tongue thrust inside my mouth, and brushed into my teeth and tongue. I can’t understand why I like what he did. I tried to respond but he suddenly collapsed. And I was left standing there, gasping for air, heart pounding. I looked down at him lying on the floor, very drunk.
Remembering what had happened; my mind was occupied by so many thoughts. Does he really mean it when he said he loves me? Because I think I was really in loved with him now.
So that was it. I closed the diary and put it back on the table, leaving it where it was been placed. I went to my room and sleep.
The next fiesta we were surprised with the news of aling Sitang, the doctor was coming, not alone but together with his fiancé. The news made Rita cry. I saw how her world shattered at that moment. She was suddenly engulfed with grief. So what was that kiss all about? Was it just like that? He had kissed my sister, and for her that kisses was a vow of his love for her. And now he’s arriving with the other girl which to whom he surrendered his heart.
With a heavy heart Rita still went with me to serve at aling Sitang. When we came, she insisted that we’ll take the backdoor to the kitchen, I just followed her. Rita was not in the proper mood, she never talked, and she doesn’t even laugh with us when someone in the kitchen cracks a joke on something.
Again, we were all invited to join lunch with the guests.
In the dinning room Miguel’s fiancé sat beside him in the table. Judging by her looks, she was the same age with Miguel. She was beautiful, properly dressed with elegance, and has a feministic grace.
I looked at Rita, she wasn’t looking at them, but I know she was hurt, of course, who wouldn’t be? Miguel acted formal when he saw Rita, he became quiet, and I noticed that he avoided looking at the direction where Rita was.
Rita ate little, I noticed. She went back to the kitchen ahead of us after she has eaten. When Miguel saw it he excused himself to get something in the bedroom. But I knew he will follow Rita.
That afternoon, when we arrived at home, she hurriedly went to her room and locked herself there. She wouldn’t eat. My mother tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t talk, she just told mother that she’s not feeling well.
After dinner, after a moment of hesitation, I went to her room. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer coming from her inside. All I can hear was her sobbing. I wanted to enter her room but it was locked, so I went to my room, hoped that everything will be all right for her tomorrow, and fell asleep immediately.
Three o’clock in the morning I was awoken by the loud banging sound of Rita’s bedroom door. My father was forced to open it. I got up and hurriedly went there, and to my surprise, Rita was lying on her bed, unconscious, mother was hugging her while crying. There was an open bottle of medicine on the floor, and some pills were scattered. My father called for an ambulance. It came and fetches the three of them to the hospital.
I stayed at home. I can’t bring my self to sleep again. I was frightened to something I do not know. Made it was the aftermath of what had happened to Rita.
I went to her room. Her diary was the only thing that can gave me the answer why she did that stupid thing. I checked all over the room where it was hidden: under the bed cover, inside her drawer, and inside her closet. I found it at the latter, under a pile of blouses. I scanned the diary until I found the new page she had written.
I cry because this is so much for me to bear. It hurts; he is my first love, and also the first to break my heart. My heart is broken beyond repair; no other element can heal it, except love.
He said he was just drunk that time when he kissed me and that it was a mistake. I was so stupid to believe, I thought it was really serious, because that kiss made me hoped that he really loves me. He said he was sorry for hurting my feeling. I was like being slapped on the face and it awoke me that it was really the end, and it made me realize that I can’t really have him. I can’t own his heart. He said I’m too young for him, that I have a lot of things needed to know more in life. He was thirty and I am eighteen. But so what? For me hearts doesn’t have age.
He will just be a bitter memory that I will keep for the rest of my life. He will always be in my heart.
She was crazy to risk her life just because of love. It was really true that many had gone mad because of love, and she was one of those.
Three days later, I went to that hospital to see Rita. I brought her some fresh fruits and flowers, and a sad news that will really adds to her heartache. She gave me a sad smile when I enter her room.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I’m fine now, but my heart still isn’t.” she answered.
“I’ve been reading your diary.” I told her with an apologetic look. She was surprised, and I can see hate through her eyes. She asked why I did that.
“It’s because I want to know why you’ve done that to your self. Don’t worry; I won’t tell anybody, no one will know anything about it. I know it hurts so much to be left out just like that, especially when you expected so much from him, and now you are disappointed. You have to be strong. Because you really can’t have him, especially now that he’s…” I can’t find the courage to say it. It was hard. It will be like a curse that will make her suffer.
“Go on.” She was so eager to know.
“Now that he’s…he’s dead.” I finally told her. She was shocked, then suddenly pain was painted all over her face, and then tears came after. She looked outside the window; the sun rays made her tears sparkled like little diamond.
“They had an accident going back to Manila. Both of them died, Miguel and his fiancé. Their car collided into a truck.” I continued.
She cries out loud. I sat beside her and embrace her. I can feel her body tremble, and suddenly the whole room was filled with sadness. Her sob was like a lullaby, she fell asleep with it. I looked at her face. I pity her for experiencing all of these problems at her young age. All she needed was love but she didn’t have it. He was her first love, but he was gone now, gone forever.
